I woke up this morning with the insight: to get different results, I must do things differently.
The insight is exactly what I needed to shift my perspective from the evening I spent with my mother and my brother.
I invited them over to honor my dad’s death and to celebrate Thanksgiving, but just as in the past, it ended in drama.
My mother as usual had to be the centre of attention—complaining, blaming and intentionally pushing my buttons or so it seemed.
Though I recognized that she resonated in the Child archetype from the Emotional Age Profile I use as a coaching technique with my clients. I went from feeling empowered in my real self as an Adult to the Wounded self and reacted when she harped on the past.
After my mother stormed out and my brother followed behind, I was left to sort through my emotions.
Forgiveness sets you free
I used the notes app on my smartphone and expressed my feelings uncensored to my mother from the Wounded self. I also thanked her for the lessons I learned and I forgave her.
Prior to deleting the note, I said a prayer, “I release this, I am no longer angry, love will heal this.”
Then I did a visualization with my mother using the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer Ho'oponopono. Once my mother accepted my apology, she then apologized to me and after I accepted her apology I hugged her.
I then placed one hand over my heart centre and another hand on my solar plexus and invited Archangel Michael (the angel of protection) to cut the cords between my mother and I. She then waved at me and left.
Triggers are wounds that need to be healed
When I opened my eyes I was also upset that I was unable to successfully set healthy boundaries and not react to her comments. However, I recognized all that triggers me in my mother are aspects of myself that I’ve rejected.
As I tell my clients, no one can make you feel a certain way unless you feel that way—nothing is outside of you—you’re either in denial or your projecting. My mother expertly mirrored back to me that my Wounded self needed to be loved.
Once again I used the notes app on my smartphone and dialogued between my Wounded self and my Real self. I apologized and asked her for forgiveness because I was hard on her for repeating a pattern instead of being loving and compassionate.
Then I did a visualization with my Wounded self using the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer Ho'oponopono. Once my Wounded self accepted my apology, she then apologized to me and after I accepted her apology I hugged her.
I then placed one hand over my heart centre and another hand on my solar plexus and invited Archangel Michael to cut the cords between my Wounded self and I. She then waved at me and left.
Then I placed my hand over my heart centre and invited Archangel Raphael (the angel of healing) to integrate my Wounded self. As I opened my eyes I experienced an inner peace.
Creating a better future
The feeling of love and harmony for SELF was mirrored back to me when I called my mother a few days later and to my amazement she apologized!
This is a huge breakthrough in our relationship, finally the pattern is broken because in the past when my mother and I would have an argument, neither of us would communicate for weeks, months, even years. I would hang on tightly to my stories and I expected my mother to change.
But this expectation stems from the Wounded self to avoid pain or to manipulate someone or something in order to control a specific outcome.
Wisdom comes with experience
- Love heals, but it begins with loving and accepting ALL of you—the Wounded self and the Real self unconditionally.
- Nurturing a relationship is a long-term commitment. There will be good moments and there will be not so good moments. We cannot control the other person, but we can choose how we respond—will it be based on the past or the present moment?
- When you resonate in your Real self you can see things from a higher perspective.
I want to hear from you!
Can you love yourself and others without judgment?
Can you let go of how you or others are “supposed” to be and accept yourself and others just as they are?