Nothing Is Ever As It Seems

For the past few weeks I’ve been pondering on the reason my outer reality is not reflecting my inner world. I’ve been affirming that I want a thriving healing practice yet I didn’t have clients and my crowdfunding campaign had very little response.

Initially I got depressed and I wondered what I could do. So I took action by writing blog posts, hosted a webinar, contacted the media and influencers, still nothing shifted!

Disappointed that I wasn’t seeing the results I anticipated I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster going up and down the map of consciousness from (Shame) to (Fear) to (Anger) then to (Apathy) where I felt stuck and disempowered. I no longer believed in myself and in my teachings.

Admittedly my faith waivered and there were many times I wanted to give up and return to what was familiar, but my spirit guides, angels and my boyfriend provided the strength for me to keep going.

As I applied my techniques to remove blocks on being seen and visible I gained clarity that it was not another tactic or strategy I needed to try. The intense neck pain I developed—a symptom of the emotional cause of stubbornness according to Louise Hays book You Can Heal Your Life enabled me to shift my question from why am I not seeing results? To what am I stubbornly hanging on to?

Shortly afterwards I had a consultation with a business coach and she helped me discover a core-limiting belief: I don’t want clients because it would drain my energy.

She determined this when I mentioned that I am an empath and I explained how sensitive I am. I exhaled in relief and I realized that my circumstance has been keeping me safe and secure. It’s exactly what I tell my clients when I find the root of their repeated pattern.

With this insight I released the “story” that stemmed in childhood to learned experiences and this opened me up to the reason I was oscillating between (Fear) and (Desire), between doing the “right” thing by getting a job or doing what is right for me by following my heart.

The Oracle cards had been counselling me to make a clear decision, but because things didn’t go the way I expected in my business I felt confused. Determined to overcome I kept on asking questions, what am I resisting? What am I am not seeing?

Then the answer hit me! My EGO was not accepting reality. In my journaling sessions I went deeper and learned that my EGO tried to force things to go a certain way because she didn’t trust that things would work out. She needed to remain in control.

This led me to uncover a “story” for my lack of trust, which stemmed from my dysfunctional relationships in my family. The neck pain started to lessen and I was moving up the map of consciousness to (Courage). I gained even more clarity.

Because I was resonating in my EGO, the wounded part of me, I had a perceived lack of clients and money, instead of abundance if I was resonating in my feminine power. My EGO was creating more of what I didn’t want. The lack that my EGO could only see was based on expectations of failure because there haven’t been tangible results, specifically financial gain. This blinded me from acknowledging the progress to date.

Miraculously the neck pain dissolved. Of course I expected my outer reality to shift automatically, but it took a few more weeks to examine my fears and core-limiting beliefs and then clear them.

Only then could I fully grasp the recurring insights from my Akashic Records when I’d ask how to create a thriving healing practice and the answer was: BE Love. That’s exactly what I set out to do, raise my vibrations to (Love) by reconnecting with my inner child. I drew, coloured and had dance parties all of which I was enJOY. I was experiencing lightness and was able to effortlessly visualize having a thriving healing practice.

All of which was effective, except I then realized that I was still doing the same thing expecting different results! 

Lessons learned

The crowdfunding campaign recently ended and because I had under 50 pre-orders I requested a refund, not because I believed that the platform didn’t work for me, but failure taught me the following:

  1. I didn't engage with my community prior to the campaign or during the campaign, I was just posting with an expectation that they would get on board. 
  2. There was a disconnect between my message. Potential backers did not understand the value and results I was offering.
  3. I didn’t have a strategic plan on how to effectively communicate my message—my story and the transformation.

The above insights are also applicable to what I’ve been doing “wrong” to attract clients to purchase my products and services. 

Equipped with the lesson, I was guided to a relevant book and blog on how to leverage social media. I also attended a few workshops held by a business coach and a social media expert to help me be clear and be consistent.

Status Update 

Draft 1 of the book is complete except for an ending. I also jotted down other options to get Walk To The Beat Of Your Own Rhythm published in my Evernote's, but set it aside for now. My next step is to take action on all that I’ve learned.

I want to hear from you 

Do you view failure as a way to give up or do you learn from it?