Whenever we feel triggered it’s very easy to judge or blame the other person. But it takes wisdom to see beyond what a person did or said is happening for you, not to you.
I continue to gain this wisdom through a recent experience that had me feeling hurt and upset. But instead of reacting, I remained silent and was able to see clearly that I had projected a repeated pattern.
I realized that my Wounded self had taken over and when I curiously asked the reason she sabotaged with her story—her childhood trauma, she let me know that I was not listening to her about an issue she had been trying to get my attention on for awhile.
So I gave her what she needed in the moment—love and kindness. With this intention I was able to see the other person through the eyes of love and kindness and this empowered me not to get sucked in to what the other person did or said or even what I did or said.
By acknowledging my Wounded self I didn’t try to escape the pain and my Real self took over to cope with reality.
3 ways to manage triggers
- Get clear on what it is you want to feel. Do you want drama or peace? If you want peace, what does that look like? Are you calm or afraid to speak up?
- If you need to cry, walk away or take a few days to reflect on the situation, honor what you are feeling in the moment.
- Negotiate new healthy boundaries by telling the truth, your truth without feeling responsible for how the person will react. You can say: When you (don’t over dramatize it) I feel (sad, hurt etc.) would you be willing (focus on the solution).
Ensure to set a boundary that is achievable for you, otherwise it would be ineffective and nothing will change.
How to get past the story
- No one is perfect including you, so let go of perfectionist tendencies and be gentle with yourself. You’re a human being!
- Forgive the person(s) and most importantly forgive yourself for how the situation coulda been and shoulda been different—this stems from the Wounded self who resists what is.
Forgiveness is not about condoning what the person(s) did or said, it’s a gift that sets you free from replaying the story of hurt, pain and disappointment.
- Give your Wounded self a voice by acknowledging his/her fears, core limiting beliefs, anxieties or worries via a dialogue from the Real self to focus on the solution rather than the problem.
It takes courage to heal
I didn’t resolve the situation at the time when I felt triggered, I needed to reflect for a few days on how to heal and move forward. When I accessed my Akashic records and presented the situation I received insight, guidance, wisdom and healing.
By giving my Wounded self a voice to let go of the story, forgiving the person including person(s) from my past and myself, as well as negotiate a new healthy boundary in my relationship, I was able to finally break the repeated pattern!
The past vs. the present
It is possible to rise above a situation and overlook the obvious, when you’re resonating in your Real self you’re in the present knowing that you deserve to be heard and express your truth authentically.
But the Wounded self is living in the past, afraid of change and will resist what is by forcing things to be a certain way in order to stay safe and secure, because it’s familiar.
With time, patience, love, acceptance, compassion and care, you can nurture your Wounded self who needs to feel worthy of unconditional love and an amazing life.
If you’d like to connect with your archetype or access your Akashic records, then an empowerment coaching session with me can provide you with the guidance and support you need to move forward one step at a time.
I want to hear from you!
When you feel triggered do you take it personally and react to what the person said or did?
Do you numb your emotions with some form of distraction because it’s too painful to feel them?
Are you hard on yourself if a situation goes awry?